Must You Hate The Girl Who’s Dating Your Crush?

When you have feelings for someone, have you ever become jealous of the other girls he hangs out with? Do you find yourself quick to judge that girl without even knowing her because she was able to capture your crush’s attention?

During the school year, a new girl started hanging out in my friend group. Her name was Rebecca, and after talking with her a few times she seemed really nice. However, within a week of knowing her, Rebecca started dating the guy I had a crush on. I was shocked. I recall feeling angry at both of them because I was hurt and jealous. Rebecca knew going into the relationship that I liked him. I had always followed the “girl-code” growing up. You know, the unwritten rule that says your friends should never date your crush or your ex-boyfriend and you give them the same courtesy in return.

I was torn about how to handle the situation. I did not want to create any stress or drama for anyone, because Rebecca had become good friends with the other girls in our group. However, this situation was causing me emotional distress.

I decided that I had to talk to her. Rebecca agreed to join me for a cup of coffee one afternoon. For the majority of our meeting, the topic of dating never came up. We talked about makeup brands we liked and the places we wanted to travel to one day. I realized that I really enjoyed talking to her. Despite the fact that she was dating the guy I wanted to date, she was very nice.

We were having such a good time that when she did finally ask me about her new relationship I decided to be honest with her. I told her that as much as it did hurt me that she was dating him, I valued her as a friend too much to chance losing that friendship. Rebecca apologized for hurting my feelings. She said she would like to be better friends with me too.

Throughout the rest of the semester, I constantly reminded myself to not judge Rebecca every time she mentioned her boyfriend’s name. I grew used to seeing the two of them together when our friend group would all hang out somewhere. I was so happy that I chose my friendship with Rebecca over my feelings for that guy because at the end of the school year he broke up with her to be with another girl. I was able to support Rebecca through her distress because I cared about her, and I truly felt upset about what this boy had done to her.

The media has created the mentality that we should be “righteously” jealous of our crushes and ex-boyfriends dating our friends, and that we should make enemies of these girls. I am so glad I didn’t pay attention to that nonsense and instead chose friendship.

So, before clicking the “unfriend” button, why not try talking to the girl who is dating the guy you like. See how she treats you. If she can’t get over any jealousy or comes off as distant to you, then it is probably best not to be involved with her. However, if you two are open with each other, odds are that she is just as willing to work things out as you are. Odds are that she didn’t want to hurt you just as much as you didn’t want to be hurt. It probably won’t develop the kind of deep friendship that Rebecca and I have, but you can at least respect each other enough to be civil and most importantly, not be “enemies”.

 

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